hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
