He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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