ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cut my penus on the lid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
