whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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