this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
