i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
