There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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