Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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