Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
