IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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