you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize