we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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