I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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