It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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