Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
