I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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