The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
