So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
