is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
