If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
