Your dad touched me again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
