You don't have asthma, your pregnant
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize