Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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