I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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