at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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