so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
