I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
