3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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