sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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