she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
