I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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