speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
