they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
