My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
