Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
