it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
