Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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