hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also, beer. Big fan.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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