So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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