god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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