I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
