I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
