I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have aggressive nipples.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
