Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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