I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
