No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
