Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
