why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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