Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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