420 ftw
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
