I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
