I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize