I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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