I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
