Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.

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(917): View more from New York City

you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys

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(732): View more from New Jersey

This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Naked Twister starts at high noon

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(318): View more from Louisiana

So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?

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(817): View more from Texas

i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?

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