he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
