I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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