I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
