i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
