So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
