so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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