Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
