are you still at the devil's house?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
