How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
