it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
