I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
