Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
