I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
