I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
